Hate's Whore

Goddamnit.

2006-02-08T17:13:26Z

Yeah, I've been gone for fucking ever. Kept saying I was coming back for good and never did. Maybe this time will be different.
We're moving to Cleveland, so I've been busy.
Everything is shitty as it always is.

---
Anyone who used to read my pointless online journal should remember the Anti-Christ...Or " Tina " as some call her, who happens to be my brother's bitch. I looked at her profile today and almost puked:

Name: Sinner and Saint wrapped up into one irresistible woman.
Location: Home is where my sweetheart is :o)
Gender: Female
Marital Status: A Nitemare and Dream
Hobbies & Interests: shooting pool, hiking, fencing, astrology, reading, yoga, collecting castles, and spending time with my children
Favorite Gadgets: I've heard it called lots of things, but never a "gadget".
Occupation: domestic goddess
Personal Quote: I don't laugh at you because you are different....I laugh because you think you are different when in reality you're just like everyone else.

" Irresistible " is not one of the many words ANYONE on this planet would use to describe her. Home is not where the "sweetheart" is - in her words, he's the " cock-sucking bastard " that buys her shit.
A while back, my brother had a screen name with "Nightmare" in it (he and Tina met online), yet she can't seem to get the letters right. LEARN HOW TO SPELL YOU DUMB, SPERM-GUTTED, CUM-CHUGGING, DICK-EATING, SPLOOGE-PUKING, BRAINLESS, SPINELESS WASTE OF SPACE!!!!
Another thing, how could she have any interests other than sitting on her fat ass all day vegetating? We're talking about the carpet slurping bitch who leaves the house once a month at most. She's afraid to go anywhere or do anything. Hike? Oh no. Eat donuts! Even talking to her about anything that remotely involves effort or the chance of exercise makes her gain ten pounds. She doesn't spend time with her kids, which is why they spend THEIR time trying to hitch hike to my place or get drugs and alcohol at their neighbor's house because they're fucking bored in West VAGINA and have nothing to do - and their dear sweet whore of a mom won't take them anywhere.
She's never heard it called a "gadget", huh? SHE WOULDN'T FUCKING KNOW ANY SEX SLANDER BECAUSE ACCORDING TO MY BROTHER THEY HAVEN'T SCREWED IN MONTHS! The bitch's well has already run dry and she's giving Kevin blue balls. The only thing she calls it is "ew" or "not now, I'm tired." Tired? YOU JUST SLEPT FOR FIFTEEN HOURS YOU LAZY CUNT!
Domestic goddess? By domestic...Does she mean make the kids and fiance' do all the work? By goddess does she mean listless slob that sits on the couch or in front of the computer all day bitching?
" I don't laugh at you because you're different... I laugh at you because you think you're different but in reality you're just like everyone else. " Real fucking original, slut box. What a good phrase to use, considering it was popularized by a big-name company called "Hottopic" and everyone uses it! This reminds me of all those empty people you find in AOL chatrooms with things like " liv evry day lyke itz ur la$t " written in their profiles.
Tina is a lifeless bum with no future and no friends - but she likes to make people think she's a good human being. She's the reason why I fight to make murder legal every day.

---

http://www.sexylosers.com/047.html

God just wrote down one more reason I'm going to Hell. I think Carolee sent this to me a while ago. Puts a big ole' shit-eating grin on my face.

i_fuck_nuns @ 2005-08-16T09:19:00

2005-08-16T13:21:45Z

Yeah, I've been gone a while. But I'm back'n'shit - not that any of you care.

http://www.steakandcheese.com/content/detail.asp?ID=17977&type=1&page=25

Is it wrong that this makes me so damn happy?

i_fuck_nuns @ 2005-06-14T06:45:00

2005-06-14T11:01:50Z

I hate the mall. I HATE IT. Fuck the peppy blond cheerleaders, fuck the teen angst goths, fuck the "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAOMGZURAPOSER!!!" punk kids, fuck the smoothie-drinking emos, fuck the old men wearing tank-tops trying to hit on people twenty years younger than them, fuck the gay guys making out in the corner as a "STATEMENT", fuck John boy and his plate of samples, fuck the "ERASE BREAST CANCER FOR GOOD" donation boxes, fuck the horrible dry food, fuck Hot Topic and it's worshipers, fuck Abercrombie and it's tasteless clothing, fuck Wet Seal and the anorexic girls that go there to shop, fuck the popcorn store and it's fifty flavors of shit, fuck the card shop and it's 1337est bastard owners, fuck JCPenny and their boring selection of everything, fuck the Starbucks right in the middle of the mall that serves the "dun label me" goth kids their six dollar frozen coffees and gives them the seats in which they sit to listen to Type-O-Negative while they get off to the pictures of Marilyn Manson in Revolver magazine, fuck FOX 8 news and their waste of space shop, fuck the video game stores that cater to highschool retard dopers, fuck Dillards and the rich people that work there and stick their noses up at you, then realize you are wearing a REAL leather coat and a Gucci suit and worship you at your feet and ask if you need assistance, fuck the woman who work at the Lancome counter and desperately beg you to try their latest over-priced perfume, fuck the escalators and the little kids that run up and down them, fuck the soccer moms that spend all of their time in KB Toys with their bratty kids that don't even deserve to see the light of day, fuck the candy store and the perky bastard that runs it, fuck Hallmark and the religious zealots who hover over the ugly trinkets and stare at you when they think you aren't looking, fuck the pop and candy machines that never work, fuck the sticky floors with bubble gum stuck to them, fuck the cracked ceilings, fuck the random people that say "Hi" to you as you walk by, fuck the aging survey guy attempting to ruin your day with the question " DO YOU USE IRISH SPRING!?!?!?! " when what he really wants to do is scream "IF YOU DON'T ANSWER THIS QUESTION I WON'T GET PAID AND I WON'T BE ABLE TO BUY MY VIAGRA FOR A WEEK!", fuck the business women and their loud clacky high heels that do porno on the side yet act like they are better than everyone else, fuck the body builder men and their twiggy, gross botox-death girlfriends, fuck the mentally disable guy who runs into the nearby walls repeatedly, fuck the people that won't help him. FUCK IT ALL.

i_fuck_nuns @ 2005-06-07T20:06:00

2005-06-08T00:10:40Z

Christ. I hate AOL stereotypes. You have your personality-impaired "hot boys/hot chicks" that care about nothing except finding a piece of internet ass - you have your Ebonic retards that replace actual words with things like "dawg,chix, hurr, holla" - then you have your stupid, mindless, Slipknot worshipping goth kids that slit their wrists because they think it's cool - there's the punk shits that have fifteen Good Charlotte posters hanging in their room and constantly call people "posers" out of the blue - then there's the emo bastards that I've dissected numerous times, and lastly you have your horny, aging old men that want to stick their two inch dick in some AOPussy. GOD DAMNIT.

Fuck everyone. I'm just going to sew my twat shut, become a hermit and eat cat food.

i_fuck_nuns @ 2005-06-05T23:53:00

2005-06-06T04:00:30Z

Jen: I'm Monopoly.
Me: I'm Clue?
Jen: Yes you are.
Me: " I've got game. "
Jen: LMFAO. That was horrible.

Ryan [9:45 PM]: Saying "Represent Host, represent." is very tempting.
A Sinning Nun [9:45 PM]: Lmao.
Ryan [9:46 PM]: Please, Host God, kick Sweet for scrolling..
Ryan [9:46 PM]: A warning, lame.
A Sinning Nun [9:46 PM]: Lol. Yeah - "dear God, please fucking suspend Sweet" has been running through my mind for the past ten minutes.
Impaledwithstraw [9:47 PM]: Lmao...
A Sinning Nun [9:47 PM]: She's one of those self-proclaimed "enlightened" twelve year olds you always find in these hellacious chatrooms.
Ryan[9:47 PM]: Lol...
Ryan [9:51 PM]: Sweet hasn't been talking since I corrected her enlightened ass... :-X
A Sinning Nun [9:51 PM]: Lol.
A Sinning Nun [9:52 PM]: I was wondering why the Hell she stopped talking.
A Sinning Nun [9:52 PM]: :\
A Sinning Nun [9:52 PM]: May the rays of Heaven shine down on you, Ryan.
A Sinning Nun [9:52 PM]: ( Rrrright. )
Ryan [9:52 PM]: I know...
A Sinning Nun [9:54 PM]: Did you look at Sweet's profile? My IQ dropped just reading the first few lines.
Ryan [9:55 PM]: Lmao...
Ryan [9:55 PM]: Hold up, I'll read it.. :-X
Ryan [9:55 PM]: What's her SN again? :-\
A Sinning Nun [9:56 PM]: Sweet Candies x
Ryan [9:58 PM]: Wow, I think my IQ fell into the negatives reading the whole thing...-_-
Ryan [9:58 PM]: She left the damn room, too...
A Sinning Nun [9:58 PM]: Heh.
Ryan [9:58 PM]: Stupid chicken butted person.
A Sinning Nun [9:58 PM]: Lol.
A Sinning Nun [9:58 PM]: Yep.
Ryan [10:04 PM]: Oh, damn, I'm boned...
Ryan [10:04 PM]: I never meant for it to do that... -_-
A Sinning Nun [10:05 PM]: Lol.
Ryan [10:06 PM]: I'm just very, very fucking surprised that I'm not kicked or suspended.
A Sinning Nun [10:07 PM]: Yeah. The stupid fucking Hosts were probably just like "durrr, oops, my brain stopped working for a second there, oh, it was nothing... " and didn't even think to boot you.
Ryan [10:07 PM]: Lmao...
Ryan [10:19 PM]: I have an awesome idea!
Ryan [10:19 PM]: Let's bitch at the people who run Aol or something!
A Sinning Nun [10:20 PM]: I've been doing that since I first got AOL. The fuckers just don't care. They get-off to the fact their customers hate them.
A Sinning Nun [10:20 PM]: " You hate us? OH YES BABY, OHHH, RIGHT THERE! Ahahaha, burn baby, burn. "
A Sinning Nun [10:21 PM]: AOL is Anti-Christ On Line.
Ryan [10:21 PM]: Lmao...
Ryan [10:24 PM]: Right then... I so wanted to say...
Ryan [10:25 PM]: "But Host, them niggers has got to go."
Ryan [10:25 PM]: -_-, lmao.
A Sinning Nun [10:25 PM]: LMFAO.
A Sinning Nun [10:26 PM]: + Falls out of chair. + That was great, Ryan.

---
Fuck, with a side of fuck, and more fuck.

i_fuck_nuns @ 2005-06-02T13:16:00

2005-06-02T17:31:52Z

The wonderful world of beauty and perfection has come out with a new item; The Moisturizing Thong. It's nice to know 78% of the female population has a dry, crusty crotch. But all I can think about is how amplified their swamp ass must be if they actually use a moisturizing thong. Scoop-scoop, yum, yum.

Saw the Exorcist for the first time last night. Sexy movie.
Mom: HOLY SHIT THAT POSSESSION GUY IS SCARY LOOKING!
Me: Yeah, I'd fuck him.
Mom: I'm sure you will make me beautiful grandkids.
Me: See, he's basically raping the little girl with the crucifix. I need a guy like that. But is it possible to rape yourself?
Mom: Well, she's possessed so she can't control what she does... So I guess it can be considered rape.
Me: He's kinky.
Tom: Pat, your daughter worries me sometimes.

:]

i_fuck_nuns @ 2005-05-28T09:08:00

2005-05-28T13:21:45Z

I have sadly become an online survey addict. It's gotten to the point where I am checking " MySurvey " every half an hour to see if they have posted any new surveys. It's equivalent to becoming a quiz whore, I suppose.

It is now impossible to go into any online chatrooms without running into stuck up, "1337"est fucks that spend most of their time masturbating to Quintin Tarentino movies or talking about their boring, eventless lives on their "Dead Journals", cam whoring their retarded, rectangle-glasses wearing emo faces, or writing SHITTY poetry. Yet somehow these dipshits think they are better than everyone else. THEY CAN SUCK A QUEEF OUT OF MY CROTCH!

Tom has no taste in movies. He came home yesterday with the following movies; Scream, Scream 2, I Still Know What You Did Last Summer, Mr.Deeds and 50 First Dates. Then he claimed they were great movies. WRONG. So today ( since everyone already watched the stupid movies last night while I was puking my intestines up ) I get to pick what we get at Ballbuster.

---
Me [ picking up phone ] : Sperm bank, you whack it we pack it.
My teacher [ coughing ] : Kelley?

What the Hell was she THINKING calling me at such an ungodly hour as nine in the morning?

i_fuck_nuns @ 2005-05-24T04:17:00

2005-05-24T09:25:52Z

Just got back from West Vagina after Kevin ( my mindless, hillbilly, over-dominate brother that whacks off to the Mortal Combat movies into a sock that he ends up throwing on the floor for us to trip over ) and I got into a fight over something invalid and pointless.
You see, Brittney my niece wanted to watch Star Wars II, which we had borrowed from their neighbor. Kevin said "no, take it back" because we weren't going to be there the NEXT DAY, because they were going to drive me back up to Ohio. Now, it was about five in the evening and she said she would return it right after we watched it. Kevin claimed we still would not have enough time. I have no fucking clue where his logic came from. So, with a scowl on her face, Brittney took the movie back and got " Meet the Fockers " - a nice, over-reviewed, mainstream piece of shit movie - and Kevin bitched and screamed that he told her not the bring that movie back. He - of course - never said such a thing and there were numerous wittnesses to prove it. Brittney and him got into a huge fight, and I chose to defend Brittney because Kevin wasn't thinking clearly and was starting to piss me off with his illogical accusations. At some point he started slamming things around and tried to frighten me, or at least get me to back down. I didn't, and he got in my face and tried pulling his " I'm badass and you need to follow my pointless rules because I'm God " bullshit. I remember my mother once telling me that when he gets pissed off, he mocks the way Clint Eastwood used to talk in The Good, The Bad and The Ugly because that is what he thought a man should talk like when he was a kid.
While Kevin was still in my face, talking in his Clint Eastwood voice - I couldn't help but picture him in a little cowboy hat with a cigar hanging out of his mouth - and ended up laughing hysterically at this mental image. All of this sent him off the edge and he started punching the walls and whatnot. The girls and my nephew Alaric all started crying and shaking with fear of my ape-like brother. I just stood there looking at him trying to talk some sense into him while comforting my scared-to-death nieces. He just started screaming and telling Tina ( his chick ) to call the cops on me. She of course was on our side, since she too thought he was being stupid.
Well, we decided it was best we all go up to Ohio and leave Kevin behind. Tina didn't have any gas money, so she called up her mother. Her mother is a nosy wench that dosn't even deserve to be in my presence. Tina told her what was going on. Her mother suggested SENDING ME TO A ROOM FOR A FUCKING TIME OUT. I nearly died laughing. Sadly, she was serious, and Tina told her to quit being a mindless bitch. Her mother then asked to speak to me, and Tina said " Oh Hell no, you'll just piss her off even more." After being turned down to talk to me, she asked to talk to Kevin. Kevin said I was no longer welcome there, and finally got the crotch rot to give Tina cash for gas.
Since I was pissed at Kevin and had to get my wet clothes out of the washer - I decided to take a few of his favorite clothing items with me. A petty, useless little revenge - but it made me happy.
Tina told me in the car he was probably just sexually frustrated because she wouldn't fuck him while I was there. Ahahahaha. Serves the bastard right.

But I must say; I'd rather be in West Virginia than Ohio. In Ohio, I get into the habbit of sleeping all day and being up all night just to avoid the annoying inhabitants of this house. I spend my time reading, writing, and wandering the streets of Cleveland. I don't do much different in West Vagina, but the people there are more tolerable than Chris, Meg, Mom and Tom.

----
I've finally decided to post some pics from the wedding. Note: Only a few people showed up. Caution: Lots of pics.

Lucy. This is what you wear when you are an attention whore. Abortion Times hails this woman as " Mother of the Year ".

Mom, Lucy, Robin/Queenie. This was during the bachlorette party. The blow-up doll now resides in my room thanks to Tom putting it in my bed with a US flag sticking out of it's penis...

Robin's boobies.

The goofy-lookin' cake. Eight different flavors.

BOBBY! My mom's best friend. If I had to a be a genuinely good person, I'd be her.<3

Paul, wearing his purple dress thing. He made it himself and made the leg area too small, so he had to shuffle around everywhere he went. He also made it quite form-fitting, so it accentuated the curves of his sexy ass.
Paul[ in front of everyone ]: This thing makes my ass look fucking HUGE!
Me: Yeah Paul, that dress makes your butt look big.
[ Everyone started laughing ]

My mom. She literally looked twenty years younger.

Meghan, Chris' butt-buddy.

Queenie/Robin. She's sexy. She's also Paul's chick.

Brittney and Maria, my nieces. They had these really ugly flowery dresses, so we let them borrow the extra black dresses we had. Don't let their seeming "innocence" fool you.
[ Tina and I talking about the calorie count in sperm. ]
Tina: Now we know where Brittney gets her lunch!
Me: SLURRRRPPP! THANKS JOHN!!
[ Brittney trudges off to her room, grabs a notebook, comes back out.]
Brittney: Hmm... Who's on my lunch list for tomorrow? Mike? Ah yes...
---
[ Tina and I trading sex position suggestions to gross out kids. ]
Brittney: Dear GOD- EWW!
Maira [ who's twelve ]: Oh Brittney, shut-up. I'm almost a teenager and you ARE a teenager - just listen and take notes! --- The drive back to Ohio.

Kim and Steve. Kim - one of the most patient, calm, sweet women there is until you get her in a round of black joke telling. Steve - seems cute and nice but has an evil sharp wit and deep agression... And that's why we are good friends.

Mom meditating with cigarettes in her hand. Someone fucked with this picture.

Tom and Mom.

Tom and Mom during their funeral...Err..Wedding.

A pic taken during the ceremony.

The short chick brought the MAN in the green dress and claimed that man was her Aunt. The transvestite would stuff his bra with sand and it would leak out when he walked. He was about sixty and he constantly wore a blonde wig.

Everyone that was in the ceremony. I'm somewhere in the back to the left, wearing my trench coat due to how cold it was. Notice the obnoxious, ugly flowers in my hair. Wasn't facing the camera because I hate getting my pic taken, and because Steve and I had been talking over everyone.

Patty - Tom's brother's wife and her little girl, who is ABSOLUTELY ADORABLE! Patty is really cool. I mean, anyone who teaches their two-year old how to decapitate a Dora The Explorer doll is awesome in my book.

Ginger, Mom's friend. She had a really cool dress.

Ginger and her turban-wearing hunk of man meat, Mano.

Lucy-Lu-Lu, Meg, my brother Chris ( wearing trench ) and Kim.

...Might have more pics in a future entry.

i_fuck_nuns @ 2005-05-04T14:30:00

2005-05-04T18:40:55Z

Well, I'm in West Vagina. Kevin actually came to the wedding and decided to take me back with him.

We expected over a hundred and fifty people to come to the wedding and only fifteen people showed. None of Tom's family came and none of his friends. It was depressing. But the ceremony was beautiful - even though I had to wear this obnoxious, ugly black dress and had to put fLoWeRs in my hair. I looked horrible. Should have some pics of it posted sometime this week. :\

i_fuck_nuns @ 2005-04-23T15:09:00

2005-04-23T19:18:00Z

Your Sexual Profile (you sexual deviant you...) by sparkledee
Name
Your Secret Kink Thing	You like dead people. A lot.
Your Sexual Strength	Your amazing tongue!!
Your Sexual Weakness	Vibrators intimidate you.
Your Likely STD	Lymphogranuloma Venereum
How Many Partners in Crime?	Don't worry. You're a slut.

Quiz created with MemeGen!

+Sigh.+
Mom keeps taking out her frustrations out on me and it's worse than usual because her wedding is next weekend. I don't even have my dress yet. I told her I'll just wear one of my trench coats so afterwards I can get drunk and run around flashing people. She said that would be ok.
Tom works at this one telemarketing place now. There's this sexy guy there named Chris - Tom invited him to the wedding. I'm going to be in a constant state of horniness all next weekend. :x God, we have so much shit to do.

Someone just fucking SHOOT ME.

i_fuck_nuns @ 2005-04-16T09:34:00

2005-04-16T13:36:21Z

I saw the best bumper sticker today.

" Vote the son of a Bush OUT!!!! "

Amen.

i_fuck_nuns @ 2005-04-11T03:04:00

2005-04-11T07:18:00Z

I took some random pics of random things and random people out of sheer boredom. Warning; If you don't have DSL, these pictures could take forever to load.

Robin and Paul, two of my crazy shit friends. Mind you that thing sticking out of Paul's pants is NOT a deformed, discolored penis - it's a branch.

Meghan's butt. We were going through boxes cataloging my mom's shop items.

Boxes.

More boxes.

Aaannddd,for a change of pace; more boxes.

Tazzy Poof.

Tazzy Poof again.

Photo Impressions makes me happy.

Little Potato, Tazzy Poof's brother.

Little Potato in one of the boxes we were going through.

An over-enhanced picture of Little Potato.

Phoebe, the evil bitch kitty and our muddy floor which was the result of carrying boxes in and out of the house.

Shitty Kitty. She's full grown, but she's still only as big as a kitten.

Shitty Kitty sitting on one of the boxes.

A signature I did for Lords of Pain. If you don't watch wrestling, or don't remember Randy Orton once spitting in Mick Foley's face - then you won't get the lame little joke.

That's it. I'm going to have nightmares for days about boxes. + Shudder. +

i_fuck_nuns @ 2005-04-09T01:14:00

2005-04-09T05:49:16Z

Conversation with my friend John. ( One of the stupidest conversations I've ever had. Sorta perverted. )

John: Whitey wants to take everything from blacky.
Me: It's hard to imagine whitey wants to take poverty, crack and innate listlessness.
John: Yeah, true.
Me: Now can we move on to a lighter subject such as Nazism or WHITE POWER?
John: I suppose.
John: Do you really fuck nuns?
Me: Meet me at the Inferno club in Cleveland and I'll show you.
Me: +Eyebrow wiggle.+
John: But I'm not a nun.
Me: I can change that. If nothing else I can have you on your knees screaming "OH GOD!" by the end of the night.:]
John: Lmfao. That has to be one of the wittiest things I've ever heard.
Me: Eheh.
John: I'm all hot and sweaty now.
Me: Like Anna Nicole?
John: Yeah, with a twinkie hanging out of my mouth and crisco on my ass.
Me: Stop, you're turning me on.
John: Oh, ok. I'm sitting in front of my computer with the opposite of a camel toe and nothing to do with it.
Me: OH GOD YES, KEEP GOING!
John: My balls are dripping with stinky sweat.
Me: Oh,oh,oh,oh,OH.
John: My breath smells like Michael Jackson's ass!
Me: OH, YOU'RE A SEX GODDDDDD...FASTER!
John: I HAVE ATHLEATS FOOT!
John: MY ARMPITS ARE HAIRY!
John: I HAVEN'T SHAVED MY BEARD IN TWO DAYS!
Me: OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh,OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhh,OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
John: Lmfaaoooooo.
Me: Sadly, that's the best sex I've ever had.
John: I could change that.
Me: That'll be fifty cents, mister! Wow, mommy will sure be happy I made two whole dollars tonight!
John: Got change for a penny?
Me: Got an outfit to change into after I'm done with you?
John: No.
Me: Well, guess you're walking home naked then.
John: Mr. Winky wouldn't like that.
Me: Miss Vagina would.
John: Mr. Winky likes Miss Vagina.
Me: Miss Vagina wants to swallow Mr. Winky whole.
John: Mr. Winky wants Miss Vagina to choke him until he pukes all over himself.
Me: Miss Vagina wants to rub Mr. Winky's neck after he throws up all over himself.
John: Oh my God, lmfaooooo. Ok, you win.
Me: I win, eh?
John: Yeah, you win because I was getting turned on there for a minute.
Me: Lmfao.
John: I'm so l33t.
Me: You're about as "l33t" as a belly button queef.
John: LMAO. How do you get a queef to come out of your belly button?
Me: You insert your index finger into your belly button, and push it in and out until you build up a bubble. Works best if your are sweaty and overweight.
John: Lmfao. You have way too much free time. I couldn't do that because I'm a fatless bastard.
Me: Mmmhhmm. You make me want to blow shit up. I nominate you for position of Satan.
John: Nah - if the Anti-Christ walks the Earth, you're it Kelley.
Me: Aww, thanks John.

i_fuck_nuns @ 2005-04-05T02:20:00

2005-04-05T06:52:17Z

Since I've only posted obnoxious, stupid Jesus shit lately - I figured I'd post an entry about how Kelley's doing in her nutshell, even if you bastards never give me any damn replies when I talk about my boring little life. Here goes.

Went to see Wrestle Mania 21 at Fox and Hound on Sunday. My mother dropped me, my middle-aged brother Chris and his teenage girlfriend Meghan off at some random place in Parma so we could walk arounf for a few hours before we had to sit for an ungodly long period of time.
First we went to the mall. I personally cannot stand the mall, but Meghan had a Hot Topic giftcard she wanted to use, so she dragged me in there with her for about TWO HOURS while Chris bitched and moaned that he wanted to get going. Hot Topic is one of the tiniest stores in the mall and doesn't look like it holds more than a hundred damn items - but she still took for fucking ever. Meanwhile I was fighting cholostraphobia and the urge to strangle one of the stereotypical little Rocky Horror Picture loving, whiney, " I cut " kids. Some guy ( who was actually kinda cute, since he wasn't dressed in freshly purchased emo clothes ) walked up to me and said " hey ", winked and smiled at me. Chris was standing three feet away from us, saw what happened and walked up to him and glared until the guy walked away. Christ, they might as well just sew my twat shut.
After Meghan got her stupid shit, and Chris stopped his bitching we were on our way to the Fox and Hound.We got there two hours early, but still almost all of the seats were taken up. So I plopped my ass down in one of their uncomfy chairs and stared at the wall for a few minutes. A few minutes later Chris says " I only have thirty-four dollars... " I just told him if they were a few dollars short of their bill, I'd cover it.
At seven o'clock Wrestlemania started. I couldn't concentrate on the matches because we were surrounded by the most annoying people ever shat out of God's tight asshole. There was a guy who was sitting directly in front of me, and everytime he would lean to one side, I would lean to the other (so I could see), then he would lean in the same direction as me. This went on during the WHOLE time we were there. I wanted to stab him in the ear with my butterknife. Then there was another guy at the same table who has to be the most loud, obnoxious bastard ever to walk the face of our shitty little planet. Everytime someone would even flinch in a fucking match he'd scream " OH NO, OH MY GOD, WATCH THISSS MAN! DUDE, WOWWWWW, LOOOOKKKK! I'LL DRINK TO THAT! JESUS! LOOK! WOW! GOD! EVERYONE! WATCH!!!" You could have told this dumb cunt " I just fucked a five year old analy with a butcherknife " and he would have said "DUDE, I'LL DRINK TO THAT!!!!". If only I could have inserted glass shards into his penis...
About ten minutes after the first match, Chris' sexy little friend Jeff came up and watched it with us. I don't know wether to like or hate Jeff. He's too happy, but then again he's witty as fuck sometimes. And he is always talking on a goddamn cell phone.
At the end of the night, it was the last match - the only match I was really excited about seeing... Then we get the bill. Chris looks at it, laughs, then hands it to me. SIXTY FIVE FUCKING DOLLARS. My meal only cost twelve dollars. And that son of a bitch only had thirty-four dollars, and expected me to pay the rest. The whole match all I wanted to do was melt into a little puddle on the floor. When Batista won and everyone shouted and hugged and all the happy crappy - I just stared at the floor plotting the way I was going to murder my brother. He offered to pay me back. I told him he better. Fucker.
Jeff had to drive us back home, so all of us (except Jeff) are over six feet tall - and Jeff's car is fit for midgets. Since I am the tallest, they made me sit up front with Jeff, the sexy short little bitch that thinks he's Louis from Interview with the Vampire. They're squished in the back, and my knees nearly touched the fucking ceiling of his little car. I nearly choked to death on my own damn ovaries.I had to duck my head down because of how low the ceiling was. Now I know what a sardine feels like.

i_fuck_nuns @ 2005-04-04T22:36:00

2005-04-05T02:37:59Z

http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/jesus.php

Yeah... I'm going to Hell.

i_fuck_nuns @ 2005-03-29T00:59:00

2005-03-29T06:35:54Z

I	Industrious
_
F	Fresh
U	Unnatural
C	Confused
K	Kind
_
N	Nutty
U	Unreal
N	Nerdy
S	Shocking

Name Acronym Generator
From Go-Quiz.com

I_fuck_nuns Highway

Family Farm	6
Mt. Happiness	22
Bankruptcity	36
Loony-Bin Lane	131
County Jail	530
Please Drive Carefully

Where are you on the highway of life?

From Go-Quiz.com

Well damn... This is pretty accurate.

I am so bored I have resorted to becoming an eBay addict.

Here's some weird shit I might bid on:
http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&category=1469&item=5568263992&rd=1 - The Ghost Of Ishmael.
http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&category=1467&item=5567511551&rd=1 - Just for the Hell of it.
http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&category=1469&item=5567745214&rd=1 - Could come in handy.
http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&category=1469&item=5568369445&rd=1&ssPageName=WDVW - Because he's sexy and fucked up, just the right kinda guy for me. Damn shame he lives in Florida! :D

(Hey there little Red Riding Hood... You sure are lookin' good... You're everything a big bad wolf could want..)

i_fuck_nuns @ 2005-03-28T06:33:00

2005-03-28T12:14:32Z

Has anyone ever bought a pair of five dollar angel wings, t bought a Satanic Bible... Then went and hung out in the bushes by the local church, approached a small child (NOT WITH THEIR PARENTS)- handed them the Satanic Bible and said " God sent me, he wants you to read this and live by this"? Well, that's what little Kelley did on Easter Sunday for her own personal amusement. Then I went to Taco Bell with Chris and Meg and they had me go up to the cashier, point at the menu and order something that they did not sell. Of course I nearly busted out laughing when he looked at the menu for about three minutes trying to find a " Spicy Chicken Fajita Basket "... He must have been new. Chris and Meghan were falling out of their seats laughing, Meghan laughed so hard her pop shot out of her nose all over the table - which was'nt very attractive. Easter was just one big joke this year. Mom didn't have much money, but she has the tradition of giving her kids ( despite the fact two of them are in their twenties and thirties ) a basket filled with candy and other items. She got me quite a random variety of things, ranging from cotton balls and a mask ( I collect masks ). Though one of my worst childhood memories had to do with fearing masks; One day I was getting babysit-ted by my aunts and great-grandmother. Apparently I was misbehaving, so they locked me in a large room filled with porcelaindolls and masks. Just about every kid is or was afraid of dolls and masks - I was one of them. For about three hours straight I screamed. They just left me there. But now I have a love for masks, they don't frighten me because they don't have eyes and I don't see them as live things anymore. I've always believed eyes to reflect the soul. People often ask me if I wake up in the middle of the night and look at my walls and think there are faces coming out of them. No, I don't. I wake up and look at my masks and think "beautiful", and fall back asleep smiling.
I realized this Easter when I was painting eggs with my dysfunctional family how disturbing the act of painting eggs is. When you paint an egg it's like dressing up a dead body real nice for a funeral. People admire the body (egg) for a few hours, then they crack the shell and throw it away and eat the insides. Once the soul - the life of a person - is gone, people dress up the shell, admire it, then throw it in the ground to rot.

Easter is just Halloween in a basket with bunnies and pastel colors.

-I WILL DIE HAPPY THE DAY A CHICKEN SCRAMBLES A HUMAN FETUS AND EATS IT FOR BREAKFAST.

i_fuck_nuns @ 2005-03-18T20:12:00

2005-03-19T01:13:34Z

i_fuck_nuns @ 2005-03-18T12:34:00

2005-03-18T17:44:32Z

My life is just a never ending fountain of fun.

Mother and I went out to try and find ourselves renaissance dresses for her wedding. Of course we did not succeed. At one store they had a nun costume on sale for twenty dollars. Guess who bought it? Yep, me. A few hours later we came home to grab something to eat before we went out to do the rest of our errand running. Since we were going to be doing the rest of our shopping in our own little Amish/ Christian town - I decided it would be a brilliant idea to wear my nun costume around. Instead of a real cross, I wore my 7" skull cross on a thirty inch chain. Instead of plain little black shoes, I wore my platform army boots which made me about 6'7" ( surprisingly enough, the costume covered the boots). And of course I wore black lipstick and black eyeliner just for shits and giggles. To complete the look, at all times I had one of my Misty cigarettes hanging out of my mouth. For three hours, I went around in public like this just for fun. Oh man, the looks I was getting. About twenty different people made the sign of the cross as I was walking by. Next time I'll carry a Satanic Bible with me. :]

i_fuck_nuns @ 2005-03-09T21:16:00

2005-03-10T03:07:00Z

Random rasberry douche in a chatroom: ur blonde?
Me: Yep.
Random rasberry douche in a chatroom: ur a dumb blonde haha

Hypocrites never cease to make me laugh hysterically.

Ah, mother and Tom's handfasting is approaching. May 1st. God, I don't want to be in any damn wedding. But apparently it's an unwritten law that a daughter has to be in her mother's wedding. Knowing my luck she will make me stand in front of Steven or Patrick and they will comment on my ass the entire time. After wards I get to sample just about every alcohol available in today's world, though - so little Kelley plans on getting shit faced. Ethan, my vinyl body suit wearing butt molesting friend might be coming. But in order to do that he must remove his big ass from the couch and get a job, so he can purchase a plane ticket. Which I highly doubt he will do. Could be for the better. That way I won't get involved in it all - I'll just be my normal detached self reflecting on everything I am witnessing in the comfort of my own little mind. And when I come home, I won't miss the fun. Ah well. There's supposed to be over four hundred people there, and the after party is three days long. Bleh. Guess I should purchase some "No-Doz".

i_fuck_nuns @ 2005-03-09T21:16:00

2005-03-10T03:02:30Z

Random rasberry douche in a chatroom: ur blonde?
Me: Yep.
Random rasberry douche in a chatroom: ur a dumb blonde haha

Hypocrites never cease to make me laugh hysterically.

Ah, mother and Tom's handfasting is approaching. May 1st. God, I don't want to be in any damn wedding. But apparently it's an unwritten law that a daughter has to be in her mother's wedding. Knowing my luck she will make me stand in front of Steven or Patrick and they will comment on my ass the entire time. Afterwards I get to sample just about every alcohol available in today's world, though - so little Kelley plans on getting shit faced. Ethan, my vinyl body suit wearing butt molesting friend might be coming. But in order to do that he must remove his big ass from the couch and get a job, so he can purchase a plane ticket. Which I highly doubt he will do. Could be for the better. That way I won't get involved in it all - I'll just be my normal detached self reflecting on everything I am wittnessing in the comfort of my own little mind. And when I come home, I won't miss the fun. Ah well. There's supposed to be over four hundred people there, and the after party is three days long. Bleh. Guess I should purchase some "No-Doz".

i_fuck_nuns @ 2005-03-07T03:37:00

2005-03-07T08:42:27Z

You know your lover is fucked up when he wants to eat you out while you are on your period.

You know you are fucked up when you want to anally pleasure your lover with a purple dildo named "Shirley" while he has diarrhea.

" Trust is letting a cannibal eat you out. "
---
" I went to Thailand to fuck a twelve year old and all I got was this tsunami and malaria. "

Never have I found a T-shirt that so suited me.

---
I just finished watching all three movies in the Hannibal Lecter Trilogy. Wonderful movies - except for the fact they make serial killers look sexy. Anthony Hopkins is a babe. Older, attractive men such as him make me want to go fornicate with my grandfather. :x

Pleasent dreams, everyone.

Sex,sex,sex. Yes, the nun fucker is going through her pre-life crisis.

---
http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/lifecynical.php God, after watching this I want to go shoot myself. Highly depressing, yet beautiful and insightful.

i_fuck_nuns @ 2005-02-09T12:26:00

2005-02-09T17:30:19Z

I want a Chevy Silverado and a Hummer H2, pronto.

Just got done watching "The Big Empty" - the name is not by any means a misnomer, unfortunatly. I have never seen such a completely pointless film in my life. Though I suppose had I been smoking a joint or tripping on acid, it would have been life changing. But it was a very "artsy" movie, besides the fact it made no sense whatsoever.

i_fuck_nuns @ 2005-01-26T23:09:00

2005-01-27T04:15:53Z

Ok, has anyone heard of this whole new Bible thing, where it's supposed to be "modern language for modern times"? What the fuck does that mean? Is it going to be like " yo,fools - God is like...da shit homies" or something like that? I am just going to have to buy one and see. There is supposed to be an ad in Rolling Stones about it ( they have to put out ADS for the fucking Bible? Now that's pretty damn bad). Could someone please answer me this: What has the world come to?

i_fuck_nuns @ 2005-01-24T17:38:00

2005-01-24T23:33:51Z

I just realized today how grouchy people are anymore. EVERYONE is pissed ALL THE DAMN TIME. Went to Walmart today, and every single person I passed had a frown on their face and a packet of tampons in their karts. Why must people be so god damned miserable all of the time? People have completely lost the concept of living and enjoying their lives. I mean, I'm no Ghandi or anything - but the fact people go through their day to day lives like this makes me sick. The stereotypical schedual for the stereotypical adult; Get up, drink coffee, go to work, get stressed out, go to a fast food restruant for dinner, come home, read or watch pornographic films, go to bed, repeat. Just... GRRR.
Another thing that annoys me is everyone has a cell phone. And it also annoys me when people lose their cell phones and freak out. It's like, how did people ever live without these modern day pieces of shit?
If you have ever been a psycho shit like me, you have probably looked into people's cars as you drive by them. The one thing I have also noticed about people today is they all drive the same kind of car. And it comes in the same fucking colors, too; Gray,black,dark green,white or silver. Where the HELL did all of the color go?! Even M&Ms went black and white. WHAT THE FUCK!!!? And it's all the more depressing in winter, when there is no color, naturally. Even the people that drive these damn cars all look the same, with their suits, grouchy look and cell phone to their ear. They remind me of robots. Frightening. :\

I watched "Punch Drunk Love" today, the only good romance movie ever made. It made me happy.

Waha. Talking to fairy_bob makes me a very happy camper.